Why is it that when I look back at the pictures lovingly stored in our Kodak picture software I find almost no pictures of my pregnancy with Andrew? My daughter, my husband, my extended family, my home, my yard, my prior pets. All of them snapped and depicted in volumes. When I try to recapture the blissful nine months I spent carrying my Andrew I find nothing. I find two poorly taken shots of me looking away from the camera or asleep, caught without my knowledge. It is very disappointing.
Does this speak to my state of mind during my pregnancy? Frankly I have never been a terribly sentimental scrapbooking type. I have the desire, but lack the follow through. I do however love to snap pics at any opportune moment. Much more so now than ever before.
I know I was busy, busier than I should have been during my pregnancy. I know I took a lot for granted. I know that I will never do this again. I know that I'd give anything for a nice shot of my smiling face, carrying Andrew and looking as happy as I felt during that pregnancy. Why can't I seem to find this? Will I? Is there some family member or even stranger out there who has such a photo? I've never pursued it. Never had the courage to ask I guess. I've only bathed in guilt, consuming me and telling me I did something wrong and likely did not deserve any memorable pregnancy pictures.
I think I do, deserve a picture.
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2 comments:
I have SO many pictures of me pregnant with Hope. An insane amount! And initially they were so hard to look at, but I can see over time I will be so thankful for those photos. As sadly, they are all I have to remind me just how truly happy she made me.
Of course you deserve it. Maybe you or your husband could email some family and friends and ask if they have any?
I actually only have 2 pictures, one of which is my profile. I was so weird the whole pregnancy, I swear I subconsciously knew what was ahead of me.
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